Posted by: runawaynotes | May 1, 2013

Happy birthday to my blog!

One year ago today RunawayNotes was born! It was fun to go through my old posts today to see how far I have come since then. In many ways, things are very different now.  Back then, I have made a decision to train for and run a full marathon. At that time, I was very uncertain in my own abilities. I wasn’t sure if my body would be strong enough physically (I was dealing with an injury), and I also wasn’t sure if I was tough enough mentally to go through the whole ordeal. And now I know that my body is a lot stronger than I gave it credit for, and I am way tougher than I ever believed myself to me. I have grown so much as a runner over the past 12 months. I have reached so many milestones. It has been one truly amazing year. 

Interestingly enough, in a way, things are also very much the same now. I am getting ready to start another full marathon training program, and I’m still dealing with some of the same feelings of uncertainty and self doubt. Except now it’s not “Can I do it?”, it’s “Can I do it again? Can I do it better?” The fear of failure is still there. The only difference is that a year ago I was wondering how hard this process was going to be, and now I know EXACTLY how hard it will be and how strong the temptation to quit is going to get. I am not sure what is worse 🙂

In addition, I am dealing with some completely new fears and anxieties. You see, for the past 3.5 years I have made Dallas Running Club my running home. This is where I started my first training program as a beginner back when I couldn’t finish a 5K. This is where I trained for my 5 half marathons and my first marathon. This is where I’ve made so many great friends and have built such a great support team. In many ways DRC has been my security blanket, but recently I’ve been seriously contemplating stepping away from the comfort of familiarity and trying something new entirely. So, I think I have pretty much made up my mind that I will take the plunge and sign up for the early marathon training program with RunOn.

It makes sense in so many ways. The timing of the program makes MCM a perfect goal race. The location works great for me as it is less than 5 minutes away from my house. All the group training runs are early in the morning, which would be so much more bearable in the summer. Plus, I’ve heard some really great things about the training program itself. So, I can definitely see how it would be the logical choice. At the same time, I have this irrational fear of “What if I don’t fit in there?” Six months is a long time to run with a bunch of people who don’t like you. And yes, I know that this fear is completely unfounded, but it is still there. What if I’m not fast enough for them? What if no one wants to talk to me? What if I just don’t click with those people? I am planning to attend the program orientation meeting in a couple of weeks, so I am hoping that maybe some of this anxiety will go away once I actually meet some of the people that I would be running with. And then there’s the part where I would no longer be running with my old DRC buddies 😦 I know I would miss those guys terribly, and thinking about it makes me really sad. I am hoping that I still would be able to attend the club races just to stay in touch with everyone so that they don’t forget about me.

So this is where things are right now. I am excited and anxious, just like I was a year ago. Definitely more excited than anxious though. One of the advantages of having the experience of training for and running a marathon is that instead of imagining how incredible it would feel to cross the finish line, I now know EXACTLY how it feels and I can’t wait to re-live the same experience again :-), which means that I have 6 months of hard work ahead of me.

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Responses

  1. Happy Birthday!!! It is always good to try something new. You can always return to DRC after the race. 🙂

  2. Congratulations! I still remember when you started blogging. =) You’ve “run” a long way!

  3. Happy Birthday!


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